To Train up a Child
When it comes to the training up of our sons and daughters many people, even Christians, believe that there are no success stories. What does the Bible have to say concerning this issue?
When is a good time to start training?
Actually it is best to start before you marry. This is because whomever you marry, needs to be in one accord with you on what type of discipline is to be used. This is important, because if parents are divided or the wife does not support her husband on this issue, the children will see it and attack the weaker of the two until they get what they get their way.
What method is to be used?
I remember when I was in the 5th grade if I didn’t have my homework done I would be disciplined by the teacher. As I got older it was only the dean of boys, who could spank, then only the principal, and today no one is allowed to touch you.
In today’s culture, most parents use time outs or isolation in their room as a form of punishment. This is a new concept based on the idea that children are basically good. However the Bible states that children are born with a sin natural because of what happened with Adam and Eve. Therefore, if their nature is not good, but bad, these techniques cannot be used. The Bible says that “rod and reproof bring wisdom” (Proverbs 29:15) and that if a father spares the rod, he hates his son (Proverbs 13:24). When discipline is administered, it is to be done without anger.
Is that all? No, then comes the part we play as parents. To be successful as parents we have the following to incorporate in our lives to guard the hearts of our children.
To The Fathers:
1. Love our Wives: The Bible commands us in the book of Ephesians to love our wives. Understand that the two most important people in our children’s lives are their mother and father. The way you treat each other in front of the children make such an impact on their lives.
• Sons usually marry someone that has similar characteristics to that of their mother.
• Daughters usually marry someone that reminds them of their fathers.
Some would say that is crazy, because their son has married a girl that you struggle with. But how many times after the honeymoon is over do we hear the son say to his wife “you are just like my Mother”
2. Set the example Provoke not your children to wrath …Eph. 6:4
When fathers do not fulfill their God-given roles, they will cause:
• Judgment on their homes
• They cause their wives to rebel
• They cause their daughters to marry men just like their dad, which will lead to the same problems. This is one of the most important areas and the most one not followed.
When we tell our children not to do things and then we do them ourselves we teach them two things.
• That these rules only last till they are adults, then they can do their own thing.
• We teach them hypocrisy (Don’t do as I do, but do as I say) This pushes the child’s heart further away.
1. If you don’t want your children to drink, then don’t do yourself.
2. If you don’t want them to smoke, then don’t smoke
3. If you want your children to have a good marriage then set the example
3. Take them on dates
When they are young is the best time to take them on dates, but anytime will work. When you take time out of your busy schedule to have one on one time with them, they have an easier time in sharing their struggles with you when they are older. Dates make such a memory with them. That they will reflect on these special times later in life.
4. Get their Hearts My Son, give me thine heart …Proverbs 23:26
Your children will give their heart to you, which is God’s intent (Mal. 4:6) or they will give it to someone outside the home, which usually ends in disaster. When parents have the heart of their children and maintain it, there is nothing they won’t do for you. Think about it when a teenager gives her heart to her boyfriend and he asks her to forsake her family and her purity, she most of the time will do it. Would you as her parent ask as much?
5. Give your wife, as well as your children, an opportunity to speak into your life (blind spots).
If ever there was something that wins the hearts of our families is this! What does that mean? The following is an example:
• From time to time ask them if their have been a time that you have hurt them and pushed their heart away from you. When they do say yes and they will, do the following:
a. Be quick to hear and slow to speak.
b. Do not justify why you did this. Remember that it doesn’t matter why you did it, its how you made them feel!
c. Purpose to thank them and make a conscience effort to correct the problem
d. Allow accountability: Allow your children to keep you accountable to promises. When you fail and you will, be quick to ask forgiveness.
6. Be a Man of Convictions
This is so important to our children in regards to continuing in the faith. The old story of the frog says that when you put him in cold water and slowly heat the water, you will cook the frog. When it comes to convictions, the world has none. What was considered bad a generation ago, is okay today. These are some convictions that build a strong family:
• Be a man of your word: Keep your promises at all costs. That means that you live up to your vow to your wife and you never divorce her, then she and the children become secure in their relationship with you and each other.
• Give them Biblical Convictions One of the things that we as fathers, as well as church leaders, are failing or have forgotten is to build strong biblical convictions. These are convictions which are grounded in scripture. Make sure that they see that theya. Marriage is a covenant. Which means divorce is not an option.
b. Do not put pressure on your wife to work outside the home
c. Education of your children is your responsibility, not the states
d. Teaching your children especially your daughters, God’s standard of clothing. are not yours, but God’s. Some of these include:
In today’s churches, when fathers seem to have standards and when they approach the time of testing they compromise or drop them.
To the Wives
1. Submit to your husband
This is not a suggestion, it’s a command. God requires it for balance and a happy marriage Eph. 5:22. When children see that mom respects and honors her husband’s role as leader, it stops a house from being divided against itself. When a wife openly refuses to submit, she causes the following to happen:
• She dishonors her husband
• She rebels against God, which is the sin of witchcraft.
• She teaches her daughters to do the same.
2. Support your husband in all things
This does not mean you blindly follow even when he is wrong. It means you discuss issues in private and come to a mutual agreement before discussing it with your children. Never fight in front of the children and when you do, humble yourselves to God, yourselves and your children and ask for forgiveness.
God never meant for us as parents to be perfect,but when we blow it, make it right through humility.
How does anyone get to heaven?
First realize that they cannot get to heaven on their own merits. The Bible says that “For all have sinned and come short (that means everybody can’t get to Heaven on their own) of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23)
Jesus Christ (who is the Son of the living God) came to earth and was born of a virgin woman (therefore he was not born of the curse of mankind) he lived a sinless life and died on a cross for all the sins in the world. Three days later, God the Father raised Him from the dead. He was seen of 500 witnesses and returned to heaven. God’s word says that if we believe these things and call upon the Lord, we will be saved. Romans 10:9 - 13